You were my best mistake.

bea.
2 min readNov 29, 2022

Still, I wouldn’t like to find my better mistake where I can sense worse heartbreak. You were my little secret that I told the universe but your absence is the biggest impact into my life. Some things are meant to be kept secretly and some things are meant to be released from your life eventually.

Since the last time we spoke four years ago and I wrote about you on July, people may be wondering about your specialty in making me able to portray how beautiful my world was when you were the center in it. You knew I have some talents particularly in painting but I only wanted use the thoughts about yourself as my favorite colors on every blank space in my life at that moment.

I was never good at describing how I felt about you as if I was always out of words to tell how much the void I should face when you didn’t come to fill with the solaces that disappeared my hesitations. I feared of many things and you got me very well and I used to believe you would catch me whenever I fell from my own expectation of dreadful things but I was wrong about you and us. We were never as compatible as I pictured about our future.

A lot of times I was the only one who waited for your awareness to make same efforts like I did on you but you were never aware of that until I gave up on you and us as well. You disappointed me with your frequent disappearance and you came back to me whenever you wanted as if I was a museum you could make a visit and leave at certain time. I was never a home for you when you were the gravity that made my heart always fell for you repeatedly.

You made a poetess out of me and I made you a poetry you’d never have a chance to see. I was the one who never cried easily over anything but I did cry for you once and things felt full of the attack of the nonacceptance on my chest. I couldn’t accept the truth exactly back then. I took a week to find my control over my emotions again. Everything didn’t make sense to me when I accidentally saw your new journey with someone else you kept her presence in your life quietly. It hurt me and answered all of the questions I had in my head.

Sometimes I wish I never got the opportunity to get to know you for my entire life yet many times I am thankful for our encounter that brought out the best in me that makes me more alive. I hope you have a wonderful life even if I am no longer wondering about your current life with your other significant who is somebody you want and need, so I know that you are doing fine and living your best decision likewise.

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