I had a nice start of September. The nice thing about that is I spent two weeks dealed with many psychological tests I should be done from two places I applied. Yesterday was the last day of third test I got to attend and the results haven’t been issued yet. Those were stressful weeks because I couldn’t write anything here and I had to take tests many times until I unlocked new level of my English proficiency. As September born person, I had sad start as well. My best friend left for good and she’d like to move to another town. It wasn’t final farewell but it still saddened me for the fact people will come and go for a purpose or for no reason eventually. So this year is gonna be our first time celebrating our birthday separatedly. I also have a plan like her but for now it’s not the right situation even if I always liked the idea of moving out, meeting up with new people and collecting new experiences.
Constantly I bear in mind that every bad choice or bad situation will teach or even lead you to something. I got used to it and I felt nothing will ever frustrate me in a worse way than me, my plan and my expectation. Once I finished all my tests, I told my friends, my sisters, and my parents how it went. I didn’t mean to scare my friends who showed interest to apply in the same places but I could tell them about the hardest part of it. Perhaps it went well because I got through it. I wasn’t supposed to say it went bad since I am normally surprised by the total of questions as if everything would always be my first time. I explained everything to my friends and sisters that sometimes you cannot brood over fictional things to happen and fictional characters to save yourself. As usual, I will tell about the harsh truth of how life actually works. Sometimes I can talk and write about sad things when I am truly in a good emotional state. Somehow I could regret telling about the bitter things but I said what I wanted to say and I’ll assuredly slap myself with the truth and scenarios I have on my mind.
One thing I will always be skeptical and critical in my entire life is about people. I’m fond of observing and reading people’s words and actions. An old man told me ‘see carefully who would come when you are sad, not the ones who come when you are happy’. That might be one of many reasons I’m never proud of getting compliment for I always feel I got internal and external pressure from any compliment. I automatically build emotional walls particularly for people who attempt to come or go back into my life for nice things they may see in me or in my loved ones. People should know every person has weakness, make mistake and failure in life but I realize that not many people would like to hear about sad and failure stories because we tend to be curious about beautiful things and beautiful stories. All these years has taught me that everything don’t always work out for you and we can’t wait for the change to come without making the change in ourselves first. We could be fooled by our own thought. Sometimes we look for the certainty outside of ourselves and doubt of what we already have. Last but not least, from any kind of affliction I went through in the past, I don’t only find strength but I am being so aware of living consciously and choose people to be in my life with consciousness likewise.
