Back to December.

bea.
3 min readDec 2, 2022

We’re getting closer to the end of the year. Recently I’ve been thinking about the best and the worst things happened to me in eleven months ago. Life, people and myself as the main character that can decide to which direction of the long lane I’m passing through. I still couldn’t believe I keep choosing to survive this far after many tears dropped and things that cracked me up as well.

Everything might not be really burdensome when I think of how I usually turn my problem into a joke. I know when I should be serious and professional but for the troubles I have to face personally, I learned to not let them take the whole control over me, so they won’t ruin my emotional and mental state slowly. Maybe this is how adulthood should be when I never had an idea about being a grown up until I experience it on my own.

Some tried to give me advices and I never take them for granted definitely. I have my own perspective about my life and making my own decision too. As I get older, I just want to enjoy my progress in building one by one of my teenage dreams. Probably for the top three of my priorities for now. I’m trying to fall in love with my journey because I will know and figure out my effort and consistency will lead me to somewhere I should be. I don’t forget to prepare myself for the worst I get to confront later.

It is gonna be just another December I’ll remember just like in every other year. I thank people who keep me company to get through thick and thin. Those who are always there and all ears to my outspokenness from things that tear me away and things that cheer me up. Somewhile, I am tired of being myself and the life I’m living but I like seeing the opportunities from being me and in the circumstances for the stories I will carry to meet my future self.

However, there will only be one person who can be like you and that is you. No matter how far you attempt to go to look for a hideaway to ignore your issues, you won’t find peace until you deal with it and set boundaries for some things cannot be really solved and some people you cannot avoid. Sometimes you need to adjust yourself to certain things are out of your control. You can’t demand and depend on somebody to tackle your matters when their presence is much helpful to make you feel and live better.

Trying to be someone else is also pointless as if you want to be in the same level of their starting point for whatever you want to chase and their definition of beatitude could be different with how you interpret something that makes you feel blithesome. Being honest with yourself and put honesty in what you sense can help you to grow and develop the better version of yourself as well. Despite all, I have no clue about the level of my maturity yet I like exploring my pasts and mistakes in order to improve myself and expand my view of life for sure.

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